Chemo.


I saw my Chemotherapy doctor today. She seems a little like a "matter of fact" kind of doctor. Not that that's a bad thing, it's just not what I am used to. She told me I will more than likely need a blood transfusion before all this is over, because I am severely anemic. I may not lose my hair but she said it will thin. I have to watch for a couple things:

1. Any numbness in my hands and feet.
2. Hearing loss or ringing in my ears, although this is more common in older patients.
3. Thinning hair.
4. Nausea, which for me is going to be bad I am sure. I have the weakest stomach!
5. Loss of appetite.
6. Taste changes, Metallic taste.
7. Toxins in my kidney (they will be checking)

and a few more that are less common. I am a bit of a hypochondriac so I try not to read too much. I told my mom and Rhonda to research and only tell me what I need to know, then if I experience anything I can ask them about it and they will tell me if it's normal or if I need to worry.

I will have weekly blood tests to monitor my progress. She said that in an 80 year old man she has more flexibility with dosages because basically she is just trying to prolong their life and make it as comfortable as possible, but with me it needs to be an exact science because I am only 25. She is not prolonging my life but allowing me to live it. She also said that my radiation is going to be what saves my life. They really have all the responsibility to get rid of my tumor, the Chemo just helps radiation work 10x stronger.

That scared me a little because for the first time through all of this, I felt like I had Cancer. Up until now I haven't really felt sick. Even through surgery, it hadn't really hit me. But today it just became a little more real.

I left her office feeling pretty good, I am nervous about the nausea but I know it is nothing I can't handle.

Next we went over to my Radiation measurement appointment. I LOVE THE STAFF THERE!!! They are so friendly and really make you feel comfortable. The two people to do my measurements were awesome. They explained everything and then we started.

I had to be put on a bed and go through a donut shaped machine. It actually goes pretty fast, unlike the CT scan. Then they vacuumed a blue bean bag pad to my legs so I will be in the same position every week. It is all very specific but I don't know what anything is called so it sounds so odd. After all that was done I needed to get 3 tiny dot tattoos, so, again, I am in the same position every week. I said "I have had tattoos so I know what to expect." Oh how stupid I am. These are not normal tattoos!!! They put a spot of ink on you, and then stab you with a needle. Yea, you read that right, STAB you with a needle! It hurts. Really hurts. And I had to have 3 of them! I felt so tough though, it's like getting a dirty tattoo in prison :)

Right before the actual tattoo part, they need to mark you. Should be relatively simple, except for me, nothing is. As she started marking me I said "that tickles" to which she replied "well he's about to do it on that side, so don't laugh" at which point I bust up laughing so hard I started to cry! For probably 3 or 4 minutes I could not stop giggling. Neither could my mom, but she was trying to stay quiet because she didn't want to make it worse for me. He finally looked at me and said "You are the only person to ever come in here and laugh". At least I was laughing and not crying, right?! He even laughed a little. I had to close my eyes and take a deep breath.

After I was all done, I was in very good spirits. I would like to think I have had a pretty good attitude through all of this. I mean there is no sense in feeling sorry for myself, it won't help. And all things considered, I am extremely lucky. I am in the 2nd stage of cancer but it hasn't spread and that is a blessing from God! One of my best friends, Lauren, called tonight and said something I needed to hear, the Kingdom is not for the weak. Don't get me wrong, I have bad days but I try to count my blessings those days. It is extremely unfortunate that I will not be able to conceive children now, but lucky for me, I experienced that when I was 19 with my daughter. Her family is so supportive through all of this too. Her mother, Kelly, told me anytime I needed a "fix" that I can come stay with them. I mean how lucky can I be to have such a great relationship with them!