Chemo.
I saw my Chemotherapy doctor today. She seems a little like a "matter of fact" kind of doctor. Not that that's a bad thing, it's just not what I am used to. She told me I will more than likely need a blood transfusion before all this is over, because I am severely anemic. I may not lose my hair but she said it will thin. I have to watch for a couple things:
1. Any numbness in my hands and feet.
2. Hearing loss or ringing in my ears, although this is more common in older patients.
3. Thinning hair.
4. Nausea, which for me is going to be bad I am sure. I have the weakest stomach!
5. Loss of appetite.
6. Taste changes, Metallic taste.
7. Toxins in my kidney (they will be checking)
and a few more that are less common. I am a bit of a hypochondriac so I try not to read too much. I told my mom and Rhonda to research and only tell me what I need to know, then if I experience anything I can ask them about it and they will tell me if it's normal or if I need to worry.
I will have weekly blood tests to monitor my progress. She said that in an 80 year old man she has more flexibility with dosages because basically she is just trying to prolong their life and make it as comfortable as possible, but with me it needs to be an exact science because I am only 25. She is not prolonging my life but allowing me to live it. She also said that my radiation is going to be what saves my life. They really have all the responsibility to get rid of my tumor, the Chemo just helps radiation work 10x stronger.
That scared me a little because for the first time through all of this, I felt like I had Cancer. Up until now I haven't really felt sick. Even through surgery, it hadn't really hit me. But today it just became a little more real.
I left her office feeling pretty good, I am nervous about the nausea but I know it is nothing I can't handle.
Next we went over to my Radiation measurement appointment. I LOVE THE STAFF THERE!!! They are so friendly and really make you feel comfortable. The two people to do my measurements were awesome. They explained everything and then we started.
I had to be put on a bed and go through a donut shaped machine. It actually goes pretty fast, unlike the CT scan. Then they vacuumed a blue bean bag pad to my legs so I will be in the same position every week. It is all very specific but I don't know what anything is called so it sounds so odd. After all that was done I needed to get 3 tiny dot tattoos, so, again, I am in the same position every week. I said "I have had tattoos so I know what to expect." Oh how stupid I am. These are not normal tattoos!!! They put a spot of ink on you, and then stab you with a needle. Yea, you read that right, STAB you with a needle! It hurts. Really hurts. And I had to have 3 of them! I felt so tough though, it's like getting a dirty tattoo in prison :)
Right before the actual tattoo part, they need to mark you. Should be relatively simple, except for me, nothing is. As she started marking me I said "that tickles" to which she replied "well he's about to do it on that side, so don't laugh" at which point I bust up laughing so hard I started to cry! For probably 3 or 4 minutes I could not stop giggling. Neither could my mom, but she was trying to stay quiet because she didn't want to make it worse for me. He finally looked at me and said "You are the only person to ever come in here and laugh". At least I was laughing and not crying, right?! He even laughed a little. I had to close my eyes and take a deep breath.
After I was all done, I was in very good spirits. I would like to think I have had a pretty good attitude through all of this. I mean there is no sense in feeling sorry for myself, it won't help. And all things considered, I am extremely lucky. I am in the 2nd stage of cancer but it hasn't spread and that is a blessing from God! One of my best friends, Lauren, called tonight and said something I needed to hear, the Kingdom is not for the weak. Don't get me wrong, I have bad days but I try to count my blessings those days. It is extremely unfortunate that I will not be able to conceive children now, but lucky for me, I experienced that when I was 19 with my daughter. Her family is so supportive through all of this too. Her mother, Kelly, told me anytime I needed a "fix" that I can come stay with them. I mean how lucky can I be to have such a great relationship with them!
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
I try and remember to take pictures where ever this road takes me. Here are the pictures I have taken so far.
Warning: Some pictures at the end show my thigh and quite a bit of skin. If you don't want to see them, they will be the last 3 pictures.
Warning: Some pictures at the end show my thigh and quite a bit of skin. If you don't want to see them, they will be the last 3 pictures.
This picture is from my first visit to the ER in Tempe. I had the most amazing RN. He made the trip not so miserable. He told great stories to pass the time, as they were extremely busy that night. I never got blood drawn from my right arm until that night, and now I will never go back to my left! Thank You Billy for such a great experience :)
The other 3 pictures are also of that night. My poor roomie, Rikki, stuck it out with me all night!
This bruise was from the shot they put in my arm to bloat my stomach for surgery. After my surgery, I could feel random air bubbles floating throughout my stomach!
These were all the incisions made during my surgery. Most of them were to move my ovaries up and away from the radiation zone, but one (or some) was to take out lymph nodes to see if the cancer had spread. It didn't :)
And some without the bandages. The weirdest place was right through my belly button. That one seems to be the most annoying as it scabs over, it itches like crazy!!! All in all I had 6 incisions and it looks like they won't scar, although at this point it would be cool to have some "battle wounds"!
I had surgery on Monday but by Thursday was feeling pretty good. Turns out I probably pushed myself a little too much because I was staying with one of my besties, Rhonda, and by Saturday night I had a an ER visit. I had a pretty big blood clot come out and then couldn't stop bleeding for a couple minutes straight. To be safe we went in, and he explained that sometimes happens after surgery but my blood count was really low and he wanted me to take it easy or I would need a blood transfusion. I should also add that by this point I am so used to being stuck with needles, it hardly even phases me anymore!
Then randomly on Tuesday, yesterday, I woke up with this rash on my neck. I still don't know what caused it but my doctor thinks it may be the pain killers. It doesn't bother me that much, lightly itchy, but it looks terrible! Even today it still looks pretty broken out but I am still taking my medication so that is probably not helping!
This is from Radiology today. About to have measurements so they know where to direct the radiation every week.
Okay, now is when I need to warn you about the next pictures. These were taken at my Radiology appointment today and they had to lower my pants. I want to be really open and honest through all of this experience, so I am going to add them. My intention is not to be offensive, so if you don't want to see them, stop now!
This is when they just started marking me for my tattoos. The black marks on my hip is just one of the spots I got tattoo'd on. I have one on the other side and right down the middle.
Marking my other hip...
and my tattoo right down the middle. THESE WERE NOT FUN! I have had tattoos, but never like this. They used a dab of ink and stabbed you with a needle, just like a jailhouse tat!
Friday, May 25, 2012
From the beginning (read at your own risk)
For those of you who don't know the whole story, here goes:
I originally went to the gyno because I was bleeding for a whole year. The reason I did not go sooner was because the bleeding started when I had a birth control (called implanon) implanted in my arm. They told me that my bleeding would either completely stop or I would bleed everyday for 3 months. So when the 3 months were up and I was still bleeding, I just figured it was still from the implanon. Then after about a year and 2 months, I started to experience a lot of pain. More than just cramps, just a dull pain that never left. One night in March, I was in the shower and all of a sudden I started bleeding a ton. It didn't hurt but it was certainly cause for concern. The scariest part was a lot of it was blood clots. I called my mom crying and freaking out and she said to lay down on the bed for an hour and if I bled through my pad I needed to call her back right away. 20 minutes went by and I was already bleeding through. She and I both decided I needed to go to the E.R.
My roommate Rikki took me to the E.R. The wait was unreal. We were in the waiting room for more than 3 hours. When they finally took me back, it took them another 2 hours to take my blood for testing. Finally they were ready to do the exam and then realized they put me in the wrong room, so I had to get up and walk to a different bed across the E.R. in my gown!!! Then it took them another hour to come see me. When I finally had the exam, the doctor told me that I did in fact have abnormal bleeding. He said "go home, take a vicoden and you will be fine." He also said that maybe I should check in with an OBGYN and get my implanon out. They left me in the room for another hour before finally releasing me. I was in the E.R. for a total of 8 hours that night!!!!!!! My poor roomie had stuck by my side through it all. Thanks Girl!
After the awesome E.R. trip I put off seeing a doctor because I have no medical insurance and I knew my hospital bills were going to be ridiculous ($2600 to be exact). So I let things go for a couple more weeks until things made a turn for the worst.
I was experiencing crazy bleed outs like that night 2 or 3 times a week at this point. And then the pain got worse and more severe. I always had the dull pain, but when I needed to pee or after I had just eaten I would get sharp stabbing pains that would last 10 minutes sometimes. I went to work one night and was telling some of the girls casually about everything going on and the owners wife, Paula, showed a lot of concern. She told me I needed to get checked immediately and she didn't care about the cost. She would help in any way she could, she just wanted me to get some answers. I called the next morning and scheduled and appointment.
When I arrived at my appointment I was confident they were just going to tell me that I needed my birth control out. I told that to the OBGYN and he agreed. He said he wanted to do the pap just to be safe but it probably was just my implanon causing problems. During the exam I had a lot of pain. More than the normal exam amount. And I saw his expression turn from normal to concern. I asked if it was just the birth control and he said he would talk to me in a minute. After the exam he sat me up and said "This has nothing to do with the implanon, I see a large mass on your cervix. It could be nothing like a cyst or just benign mass, but it could be something like a cancerous tumor. We need to do a biopsy and have a CT scan done to be sure." I then said "ok, well just so you know, I don't have insurance so of course I will do what is necessary but if there is anything we can skip please let me know." To which he replied "Then I am going to be extremely honest with you. This is not good. I can tell it is a tumor and based on the size and the way it bleeds when I touch it, I am 98% positive this is cancer."
CANCER. That word is the scariest word to me. I know barely anything about cancer and now I may actually have it. After I left his office I felt beaten down. I just sat in my car in the parking lot trying to process what just happened. Eventually I called my mom and we decided I should call my doctor in Seattle and see what she thinks. She called me immediately the next day to tell me that based on my age it is highly unlikely that it is actually cancer. I decided I trust her opinion the most and knew she would do whatever it took to help me without losing the ability to have kids, so I flew home. She saw me the following morning (on her day off!)
Half way through that exam I saw the same expression on her face as the gyno in Phoenix. When she finished she asked me to sit up and before she could finish telling me she started to choke up. I cried, she cried, and then we made a plan. I only add this in here to show how much I love my doctor. She is someone who truly cares about my health and my future. I am not just another patient to her, I am a person in need of great health care. She also could tell just by the size and tenderness of it that it was going to come back malignant. So when I got the news the next morning that sure enough it was a tumor and was confirmed cervical cancer, I wasn't too surprised.
That is when I went to see my new cancer specialist. She determined it was stage 2B. There are only 3 stages and they go 123 and abc. So I was smack dab in the middle. We still have not figured out why it has grown so much so fast. My Dr. told me, the size of my tumor is what she would expect to see on someone that has had it for 10 years and mine is less than a year. We know that because I had a pap done when they originally put in my Implanon. Being in the 2nd stage of this cancer meant surgery to remove the tumor would be pointless due to the fact that it had grown into the tissue surrounding my cervix, which means I need radiation to get rid of it there. So we decided to do a surgery to move my ovaries up higher into my body, in hopes that the radiation will miss them and I will not go through menopause. THAT WOULD SUCK! She also decided since I was already under the knife, to check my lymph nodes in my abdomen to see if the cancer had spread. It didn't :)
As you can see, the last month has been a roller coaster of emotions for me. Thankfully I have an amazing support system back home in Arizona and here in Washington. My job has been more than understanding of this whole situation and have told me to take as much time as I need. My family and friends have all helped by getting me to appointments and providing me with anything I need. I may seem strong but the truth is I couldn't do this without every single one of you!
Thank you so much!!!!!!!
For those of you who don't know the whole story, here goes:
I originally went to the gyno because I was bleeding for a whole year. The reason I did not go sooner was because the bleeding started when I had a birth control (called implanon) implanted in my arm. They told me that my bleeding would either completely stop or I would bleed everyday for 3 months. So when the 3 months were up and I was still bleeding, I just figured it was still from the implanon. Then after about a year and 2 months, I started to experience a lot of pain. More than just cramps, just a dull pain that never left. One night in March, I was in the shower and all of a sudden I started bleeding a ton. It didn't hurt but it was certainly cause for concern. The scariest part was a lot of it was blood clots. I called my mom crying and freaking out and she said to lay down on the bed for an hour and if I bled through my pad I needed to call her back right away. 20 minutes went by and I was already bleeding through. She and I both decided I needed to go to the E.R.
My roommate Rikki took me to the E.R. The wait was unreal. We were in the waiting room for more than 3 hours. When they finally took me back, it took them another 2 hours to take my blood for testing. Finally they were ready to do the exam and then realized they put me in the wrong room, so I had to get up and walk to a different bed across the E.R. in my gown!!! Then it took them another hour to come see me. When I finally had the exam, the doctor told me that I did in fact have abnormal bleeding. He said "go home, take a vicoden and you will be fine." He also said that maybe I should check in with an OBGYN and get my implanon out. They left me in the room for another hour before finally releasing me. I was in the E.R. for a total of 8 hours that night!!!!!!! My poor roomie had stuck by my side through it all. Thanks Girl!
After the awesome E.R. trip I put off seeing a doctor because I have no medical insurance and I knew my hospital bills were going to be ridiculous ($2600 to be exact). So I let things go for a couple more weeks until things made a turn for the worst.
I was experiencing crazy bleed outs like that night 2 or 3 times a week at this point. And then the pain got worse and more severe. I always had the dull pain, but when I needed to pee or after I had just eaten I would get sharp stabbing pains that would last 10 minutes sometimes. I went to work one night and was telling some of the girls casually about everything going on and the owners wife, Paula, showed a lot of concern. She told me I needed to get checked immediately and she didn't care about the cost. She would help in any way she could, she just wanted me to get some answers. I called the next morning and scheduled and appointment.
When I arrived at my appointment I was confident they were just going to tell me that I needed my birth control out. I told that to the OBGYN and he agreed. He said he wanted to do the pap just to be safe but it probably was just my implanon causing problems. During the exam I had a lot of pain. More than the normal exam amount. And I saw his expression turn from normal to concern. I asked if it was just the birth control and he said he would talk to me in a minute. After the exam he sat me up and said "This has nothing to do with the implanon, I see a large mass on your cervix. It could be nothing like a cyst or just benign mass, but it could be something like a cancerous tumor. We need to do a biopsy and have a CT scan done to be sure." I then said "ok, well just so you know, I don't have insurance so of course I will do what is necessary but if there is anything we can skip please let me know." To which he replied "Then I am going to be extremely honest with you. This is not good. I can tell it is a tumor and based on the size and the way it bleeds when I touch it, I am 98% positive this is cancer."
CANCER. That word is the scariest word to me. I know barely anything about cancer and now I may actually have it. After I left his office I felt beaten down. I just sat in my car in the parking lot trying to process what just happened. Eventually I called my mom and we decided I should call my doctor in Seattle and see what she thinks. She called me immediately the next day to tell me that based on my age it is highly unlikely that it is actually cancer. I decided I trust her opinion the most and knew she would do whatever it took to help me without losing the ability to have kids, so I flew home. She saw me the following morning (on her day off!)
Half way through that exam I saw the same expression on her face as the gyno in Phoenix. When she finished she asked me to sit up and before she could finish telling me she started to choke up. I cried, she cried, and then we made a plan. I only add this in here to show how much I love my doctor. She is someone who truly cares about my health and my future. I am not just another patient to her, I am a person in need of great health care. She also could tell just by the size and tenderness of it that it was going to come back malignant. So when I got the news the next morning that sure enough it was a tumor and was confirmed cervical cancer, I wasn't too surprised.
That is when I went to see my new cancer specialist. She determined it was stage 2B. There are only 3 stages and they go 123 and abc. So I was smack dab in the middle. We still have not figured out why it has grown so much so fast. My Dr. told me, the size of my tumor is what she would expect to see on someone that has had it for 10 years and mine is less than a year. We know that because I had a pap done when they originally put in my Implanon. Being in the 2nd stage of this cancer meant surgery to remove the tumor would be pointless due to the fact that it had grown into the tissue surrounding my cervix, which means I need radiation to get rid of it there. So we decided to do a surgery to move my ovaries up higher into my body, in hopes that the radiation will miss them and I will not go through menopause. THAT WOULD SUCK! She also decided since I was already under the knife, to check my lymph nodes in my abdomen to see if the cancer had spread. It didn't :)
As you can see, the last month has been a roller coaster of emotions for me. Thankfully I have an amazing support system back home in Arizona and here in Washington. My job has been more than understanding of this whole situation and have told me to take as much time as I need. My family and friends have all helped by getting me to appointments and providing me with anything I need. I may seem strong but the truth is I couldn't do this without every single one of you!
Thank you so much!!!!!!!
Good News!
My doctor just called and informed me that officially the cancer has not spread!!!! It was looking that way, but with me, it is best to be sure!
Plus, because I have not experienced any hot flashes, she is confident my surgery was a success :D I mean technically we still won't know until radiation is through, but the odds are in my favor!
I am going to be posting the whole story of how this all began. But I should warn you, the information is a little graphic and personal. If you don't want the over share, don't read it! I also would like to add that I am extremely open about everything going on, so if you have any questions, feel free to ask! This whole thing has been very confusing for me and I am sure for everyone around me. I find it is much easier to deal with, by being open and honest!
My doctor just called and informed me that officially the cancer has not spread!!!! It was looking that way, but with me, it is best to be sure!
Plus, because I have not experienced any hot flashes, she is confident my surgery was a success :D I mean technically we still won't know until radiation is through, but the odds are in my favor!
I am going to be posting the whole story of how this all began. But I should warn you, the information is a little graphic and personal. If you don't want the over share, don't read it! I also would like to add that I am extremely open about everything going on, so if you have any questions, feel free to ask! This whole thing has been very confusing for me and I am sure for everyone around me. I find it is much easier to deal with, by being open and honest!
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Success!
Surgery went really well. My stomach hurts pretty bad though :( My shoulders are killing me too. I am hoping that in the next day I can get up and walk around without all this pain. They cut me open in 6 little spots on my abdomen. Which I suppose is better than one long scar across me!
I loved the staff! Everyone was super nice. They were very attentive even though I was a little bitchy at times. I felt like such a baby! I am on a lot of pain meds too. So I haven't really been able to call or text anyone back. I was playing scramble (online boggle) with a friend and fell asleep half way through! I guess it's good that I can be comfortable enough right now to fall asleep anywhere...
They said they won't know for sure for a couple weeks, but it looks like the cancer has not spread! YAY!
let's just take a moment to celebrate that!!!!
I will try my hardest to text back everyone this week! The amount of support I have received so far has been unbelievable. I can't tell you how much I love it when I wake up and I have text after text of support.
As of right now I have a chemo and radiation appt. tomorrow. I am thinking I need to cancel both because I can barely move! The chemo is just to explain how it will work and what I will be doing, the radiation is to get me all measured correctly and set up the final details about me starting. We will see how that goes!!!!
Surgery went really well. My stomach hurts pretty bad though :( My shoulders are killing me too. I am hoping that in the next day I can get up and walk around without all this pain. They cut me open in 6 little spots on my abdomen. Which I suppose is better than one long scar across me!
I loved the staff! Everyone was super nice. They were very attentive even though I was a little bitchy at times. I felt like such a baby! I am on a lot of pain meds too. So I haven't really been able to call or text anyone back. I was playing scramble (online boggle) with a friend and fell asleep half way through! I guess it's good that I can be comfortable enough right now to fall asleep anywhere...
They said they won't know for sure for a couple weeks, but it looks like the cancer has not spread! YAY!
let's just take a moment to celebrate that!!!!
I will try my hardest to text back everyone this week! The amount of support I have received so far has been unbelievable. I can't tell you how much I love it when I wake up and I have text after text of support.
As of right now I have a chemo and radiation appt. tomorrow. I am thinking I need to cancel both because I can barely move! The chemo is just to explain how it will work and what I will be doing, the radiation is to get me all measured correctly and set up the final details about me starting. We will see how that goes!!!!
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Surgery Monday!
I am so scared, I have never had any major surgery. This will be my first experience with anesthesia as well. It didn't help that I watched the last 5 episodes of Greys Anatomy last night either. Now I am convinced my doctors will either be fighting or making out while I am on the table! I had to go in for a pre-op questionnaire that included what to do if I start dying. She said "we will do anything, including CPR, is that ok?" UMM YES PLEASE!!! Do whatever it takes! I want to live!!!
On a happy note, I went to my radiation orientation and it doesn't seem nearly as scary I as thought it would be. I am going to be on a pretty strict diet, especially with the chemo. But oddly enough I need to stay away from most vitamins. They say that certain vitamins are meant to fight bad things in your body and since radiation is a "bad thing" it defeats the purpose. Also I can't really have fried food or ground beef, only skinless chicken and certain cuts of meat. Plus I need a lot of protein so they want me to eat eggs, cheese, and milk like crazy. Aside from the diet part, everything seems pretty easy. He said the radiation will only take 15 to 30 minutes a day, 5 days a week. I will just lay on a bed and have some sort of machine beam over me. I will not feel the effects of it immediately. So if I feel safe enough to drive there, then I will be fine to drive home. Usually you get the major side effects about 3 weeks in, and they don't leave until 4 to 6 weeks after treatments are over.
Next Thursday I have my Chemotherapy orientation. I am really scared about that but I also know that this is just part of the battle. I will be fine. I will beat this!
I am so scared, I have never had any major surgery. This will be my first experience with anesthesia as well. It didn't help that I watched the last 5 episodes of Greys Anatomy last night either. Now I am convinced my doctors will either be fighting or making out while I am on the table! I had to go in for a pre-op questionnaire that included what to do if I start dying. She said "we will do anything, including CPR, is that ok?" UMM YES PLEASE!!! Do whatever it takes! I want to live!!!
On a happy note, I went to my radiation orientation and it doesn't seem nearly as scary I as thought it would be. I am going to be on a pretty strict diet, especially with the chemo. But oddly enough I need to stay away from most vitamins. They say that certain vitamins are meant to fight bad things in your body and since radiation is a "bad thing" it defeats the purpose. Also I can't really have fried food or ground beef, only skinless chicken and certain cuts of meat. Plus I need a lot of protein so they want me to eat eggs, cheese, and milk like crazy. Aside from the diet part, everything seems pretty easy. He said the radiation will only take 15 to 30 minutes a day, 5 days a week. I will just lay on a bed and have some sort of machine beam over me. I will not feel the effects of it immediately. So if I feel safe enough to drive there, then I will be fine to drive home. Usually you get the major side effects about 3 weeks in, and they don't leave until 4 to 6 weeks after treatments are over.
Next Thursday I have my Chemotherapy orientation. I am really scared about that but I also know that this is just part of the battle. I will be fine. I will beat this!
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