Half Way!!!!!!!!

:)

I am so proud to announce that today was my halfway mark to the end of Chemo. I am super proud of myself for hanging in! In just 3 short weeks I will be done with Chemo! DONE! It is the most exciting thing in my life. The feeling of life has come back :)

Today was actually a pretty rough day but right now nothing can get me down!

It started like every other Chemo day, only today Rhonda got to come (such an amazing person to be 7 months pregnant and still caring for me!). Radiation at 8:30 Chemo at 9 am.

Radiation is starting to take its toll on me. I can feel my skin changing, which sucks. I feel like I have a sun burn on my vagina. Super painful! Plus everything just feels a little tense down there, inside and out. The radiation appointments themselves are nothing but the over time effects I can feel. I am no longer able to wear jeans, they just rub my skin raw, so I have been in long flowy dresses everyday. I have a few pairs of sweats that I can wear but even those seem to rub a little. The perk is, I always look dressed up :)

Then we headed over for Chemotherapy. I got to be in my own room again with a bed. The first week I went I had a room by myself with a bed. The second week they didn't have one available so I was stuck in a room with patients all day. I loved and hated this for different reasons. The plus side was getting to meet patients all day long. They are all much older but sooooo friendly! Everyone I met has a unique quality. The first lady was much quieter than anyone else throughout the day. She said her name but kept to herself mostly. About 30 minutes into her treatment her heart rate dropped. A lot. It was really scary for me but the staff is so poised and know just what to do. They got it stabilized and as fast as she came, she was gone. This is the downside to being in the shared room. My treatment is a very long process. It takes about 8 or 9 hours based on how well I take the treatment. I love meeting everyone but it seems that all of their treatments are an hour or 2 tops! I get so anxious to leave. I am disappointed when my is not even half over and they get to go home. It's so unfair!!!

The next patient was an older man and his wife came for support. They were awesome! He was a gun collector and we talked about Arizona. He has grand kids there. They left within the hour but got my name for their prayer list at church. I love how people are so selfless. They thought of me and my recovery. That was actually his last treatment and is going for a bone marrow transplant surgery in late June. Let's pray for him and his family as well!

As the day went on more and more visited. I finally finished and beat the last girl out! We were racing because her treatment was also a short one!

Anyway, back to today. That was all from last week. Today I actually got to have a bed again, Yay! It started like normal except my nurse was different this week. I liked her just as much though. She is younger and getting married in July. We chatted a little bit before the trouble started.

My stupid veins suck. They are tiny and literally dart away from the needle as it comes in. I say literally because I mean it. They shrink so they won't get stuck! The problem is for Chemo they cant just stick it in your hand or at the elbow. It has to be mid lower arm. Triceps area. And not near the wrist where you can see the veins, No No that's too easy! We have been using the same vein for 3 weeks now and today it decided it had enough! Halfway through the day I started feeling the pain. I told myself, there's only 15 more minutes of this bag (one I have had trouble with before, it's the nausea meds they put in before the actual Chemo) I can man up. And I did, sort of. When the drip was over they add in Chemo, normally just fine. Today it was like taking a bunch of needles and stabbing them forcefully all along my arm! I could feel it all the way in my shoulder! She stopped the drip and decided to "play" with the vein. Play sounds friendly and fun, it isn't! She pulled it out a little and asked if it still hurt, I said no. Now when they are doing anything with my arm I always look the opposite way out the window or something so I don't have to feel it. Well today while she was "playing" I did just that so when I said No it didn't hurt she pushed in saline or something to test it. I thought my vein popped! It hurt so bad and it was so sudden that I literally thought she broke my vein. I screamed she jumped, Rhonda jumped, I started to cry (mainly of fear) and she dropped everything. I scared that poor woman so bad. She felt horrible. I didn't mean to scare her (or me for that matter). Eventually she called in someone else and they decided the vein was useless and we had to change arms. I had been fighting her all day on this because I don't want to be stuck in another arm and my right arm at that! But after this whole fiasco I agreed.

Once he got it in my other arm I was golden! It felt sooooooo much better and I could actually relax and enjoy part of the day. An annoying thing they don't really warn you about with the Chemo is how much I have to pee. Any other week it is like once an hour but today it was crazy! I peed at least twice an hour all day. Every time I go I have to drag that big machine that dispenses my drugs. But at least the Chemo is washing out of my kidneys well, right?!

I also got a little nauseous at the end but took one of my many drugs and that seemed to help. I am home now and just about ready for bed but not before making another trip to the bathroom!

In short today was rough but nothing this girl can't handle! Plus when I got home, my mom had cleaned my entire room and hung a picture and new curtains. It was the best surprise to such an eventful day!

Radiation.

Today is the official first day of radiation that I can feel. My lower back is sore. Until now I haven't felt much other than being tired. Today I am actually very weak and my skin feels like it is on fire.

I can barely get out of bed. I'm still in great spirits just not physically able to move about. Looks like bedridden has a whole new meaning!! BOO!

Chemo again!

This week was so much easier than last week! I feel 1 million times better than I did last Saturday around this this time. I am still exhausted but I haven't gotten sick at all!! It truly feels like a miracle.

I can't really relax either. I am so bored but too tired to do anything. I went for a mini walk to the neighbors today and that felt great. Plus I am not nearly as anxious as I was a week ago.


Makes me feel like I can do this :) I have had 2 treatments, 4 more to go! Thursday will be my halfway mark and I can't wait to celebrate!!


I think I have said before but the staff I have are amazing! They make me so comfortable and answer any silly questions I have. Plus they are all (I mean every single one) caring and love what they do. They help save lives everyday and certainly don't take it for granted! So happy I made the choice to come home for treatments :)

Til next week...

Support.

I have had so much support through this whole ordeal. More than anyone could ever imagine. I have had friends from elementary school come help with support. Neighbors, family, friends of friends. It is almost overwhelming and yet so necessary to my recovery.

The amount of people who truly care about my little life is amazing. I have had countless nights where I can't sleep or move for that matter and all I can do is pray that I will make it through. Those prayers that everyone has sent, have helped. I can feel my strength coming back finally now a week after Chemo and even though I start it all again tomorrow, I know I will be OK.

The point of this post is to tell each and every one of you how much I need you. Just getting a few random comments on my blog or Facebook and the many text messages I have received are such a blessing. I am trying so hard to keep track of all the thank yous I owe and given time, I will thank you!

I truly appreciate every single person who has even thought about me in the last 2 months. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!

Now let's kick this cancer's ass!

Chemotherapy :(

Up until I started I had a pretty brave attitude towards the Chemo. That all washed away on day 2. My body feels like it has been through the ringer and back in just 4 short days, plus I have to repeat this for 5 more weeks?!

The chemo makes me tired and very nauseous. I can't even look at my phone or computer screen without wanting to hurl. Not a feeling I like very much. I wanted so bad to update everyone and tell them how much easier it was than expected, but that just wasn't the way this was planned.

Fortunately for me I have an amazing family who is willing to make me as comfortable as possible during all of this. So even though I am on pain/nausea meds through all of this, they do that little extra to help ease me in.

I had Chemo on Thursday and most of the day I was fine. When I left I felt a little weak but nothing I couldn't handle. Then Friday hit and that was probably the worst of it. They say to drink as much liquid as possible but I throw up every time I try and down some. IMPOSSIBLE!! I slept most of the day away on Friday and then Friday night hit with the anxiety. I am exhausted but so antsy I can't hardly stay still.

Then Saturday. In hind sight I was on the rise but I didn't know it at the time. I had to pee every hour but was so tired it was all I could do to get up and walk to the bathroom. Also I was still so weak. My head feels like it's 50 pounds! As of Saturday I truly thought I wasn't going to make it. I prayed that the lord take away the pain and exhaustion.

When I woke up on Sunday, I felt like a new person! I was able to eat and drink without wanting to throw up every ten seconds. I could actually see the light at the end of the Chemo tunnel. I am still tired and a little antsy but nothing like I was on Friday or Saturday.

I CAN DO THIS!!!

Dinner.

I went to my best friends parents house tonight. Her mother is a breast cancer survivor. It was great to hear good feedback from an experienced patient. She told me things to expect from Chemo like taste change. She is an avid coffee lover, always has been, and could not stand the smell of it during her treatments. Her husband said he would get up in the morning, plug in an extension cord, and take the coffee machine out onto the back deck. Even in the freezing January mornings we experience here in Seattle!

I felt a lot of comfort in what she was saying. It is going to be hard but I will be fine. She is an amazing woman that I always looked up to, but after tonight I feel very good. She said something that I am sure I have heard before but it really hit me tonight. Cancer is no longer a death sentence, they are very advanced now in treatments and recovery. Their equipment is much more high tech and survival rates are higher than ever. Maybe it meant more because she is a survivor. Or maybe just because she is like a second mother to me. Probably both. She understands the nerves involved with every doctors visit and has always kept a positive attitude. She is lucky to be alive and I am lucky to know her! Thanks Bonnie for the encouragement and the wonderful spinach salad!