When this journey began I was told I would never be able to "carry" my own child. I went through my first surgery ever to save my only chance of having another child of my own. They moved my ovaries higher up into my body to try and protect them from radiation so that one day I can use a surrogate. We wouldn't know if the surgery was a success until all radiation was complete, but if I went through menopause we knew it had failed. As of about a month ago I started showing signs of menopause. At first I really tried to ignore the symptoms but then other people started to notice too. I have hot flashes that come on suddenly but nothing like the ones my mom had when she went through menopause. She had ones that burned so hot she had to strip down to almost nothing and walk out back for awhile just to cool down, as where I get really hot but just taking off a sweater or stepping outside brought instant relief. Then the mood swings started. I get annoyed very easily and usually by people that I care the most about, I start crying over the dumbest things, and I don't feel like doing anything. I don't know if that last one is a symptom but it isn't like me normally.

Now onto my second radiation treatment.

It was just like last week except when I woke up, I felt no pain! Even when they moved me to and from the CT scan bed again. Also this week they said that everything looked good and we could use the same plan as last week so instead of waiting 3 hours I got to just go in and do it. As the treatment started I began to feel a little pain but nothing compared to last week. When it was all over my doctor came in to talk to me. Here is where the unexpected news comes in. He said I needed to meet with my Oncologist (cancer doctor) before my appointment next Tuesday to discuss if she wants me to finish radiation, stop radiation and have a hysterectomy, or finish radiation and have a hysterectomy.

He said at this point it is hard to prove and there is a lot of debate surrounding the topic of whether a hysterectomy is beneficial to preventing cancer from coming back, however he would hate to find out in 20 years that I should have had one and there just wasn't enough proof at the time to show that. Since I am only 25, preventing this cancer from coming back is huge. Quite honestly I think about this all the time. The down side of getting this done is there is a much higher risk of causing problems to my bladder and/or colon which are pretty weak anyway from all the radiation I have undergone.

So I asked, what about my ovaries. Can they still be saved? He said at this point it doesn't really matter. I have had too much radiation for him to believe they will ever really work.

My options are don't get the hysterectomy and risk the cancer coming back with just the hope of my ovaries functioning properly or get the hysterectomy and know that my ovaries are gone with no chance of working and still the cancer may come back because nothing has really been proven otherwise.

It's weird to think that when this year started my biggest goal was to travel and say yes more. Now I am fighting for my life and all the while just trying to stay positive.