Hey!!

So sorry I have been MIA. I have had about 2 weeks off from treatment and I have been enjoying every minute of it! I have been gaining energy by the day.

I start internal treatment on August 7th. I met with the nurse today and she went over exactly how everything works. I shared my concern of waking up after the anesthesia and she said even though it is the same kind I had before, it is a smaller dose, I won't be out nearly as long, and they won't be adding other drugs in with it like they did before. She also said that if the first week it is too much for me to wake up quickly, we can tweak it or even try a different kind the next week. All in all she made me feel much more comfortable. She also said that my doctor has been doing this for 30 years so I am in pretty good hands :)

I have to be honest, I am scared my treatment has not worked. Partly because I am a Nervous Nancy but mostly because of how well I have done so far. It makes me nervous that my hair didn't even thin and it makes me nervous that my blood work always came back so good. I am scared that in November or December when they take a final look, it is going to reveal that we accomplished nothing. I try really hard not to think this way, I need to remind myself that this is just the journey.

My best friends mom had breast cancer and she has given me amazing guidance through this whole thing. When I get scared or upset she boosts my spirit just by sharing her experience and how she got through it. She is like my safety blanket in all of this. She said that during her chemo treatments (16 in total) she thought of them as being in the middle of a tunnel. It is dark and scary but there is an end. If I can just think of today as the middle of the tunnel, I will eventually make it to the other side where a bright future is waiting for me. In a sense, she is at the end of my tunnel guiding me out. Now that I think about it, all of you are. My support system is yelling for me, cheering me on even, guiding me through the dark. I don't feel so lost because I hear you guys!

Thanks for being my flashlight in these dark times.