Hey!!

So sorry I have been MIA. I have had about 2 weeks off from treatment and I have been enjoying every minute of it! I have been gaining energy by the day.

I start internal treatment on August 7th. I met with the nurse today and she went over exactly how everything works. I shared my concern of waking up after the anesthesia and she said even though it is the same kind I had before, it is a smaller dose, I won't be out nearly as long, and they won't be adding other drugs in with it like they did before. She also said that if the first week it is too much for me to wake up quickly, we can tweak it or even try a different kind the next week. All in all she made me feel much more comfortable. She also said that my doctor has been doing this for 30 years so I am in pretty good hands :)

I have to be honest, I am scared my treatment has not worked. Partly because I am a Nervous Nancy but mostly because of how well I have done so far. It makes me nervous that my hair didn't even thin and it makes me nervous that my blood work always came back so good. I am scared that in November or December when they take a final look, it is going to reveal that we accomplished nothing. I try really hard not to think this way, I need to remind myself that this is just the journey.

My best friends mom had breast cancer and she has given me amazing guidance through this whole thing. When I get scared or upset she boosts my spirit just by sharing her experience and how she got through it. She is like my safety blanket in all of this. She said that during her chemo treatments (16 in total) she thought of them as being in the middle of a tunnel. It is dark and scary but there is an end. If I can just think of today as the middle of the tunnel, I will eventually make it to the other side where a bright future is waiting for me. In a sense, she is at the end of my tunnel guiding me out. Now that I think about it, all of you are. My support system is yelling for me, cheering me on even, guiding me through the dark. I don't feel so lost because I hear you guys!

Thanks for being my flashlight in these dark times.

My last Chemo was yesterday!

It went really well :)

I am a little sick today but mainly just tired. I am super excited to be done with Chemo with what I hope is the rest of my life! Radiation ends Tuesday and that is also very exciting!! I have a 3 or 4 week break then until I start internal radiation, which I have to be honest, I am terrified of.

Hopefully it is just the unknown and it won't actually be that bad but the more and more I think about it, I get more and more scared.

Back to good things! My mom has been planning a trip to Hawaii since September of last year and it just happens to fall about 2 weeks after all my treatments are done!! I am so excited to celebrate being cancer free in such a beautiful place. My family really deserves it after all of this. My mom has driven me 4 days a week to and from radiation and once a week to Chemo. It is about 40 to 50 minutes round trip every time.

I would also like to take a minute and truly thank my friend Rhonda and her whole family for putting on the benefit for me. I don't think I ever properly gave them gratitude! It was amazing and I had so much fun!! They worked really hard and selflessly to help me pay bills that needed to be paid. I am truly appreciative of them!!

Here are some pictures of my last at Chemo :)

Last time I am poked with a needle for Chemo!!

Congrats from the staff in the infusion department :)

And me, finally done! It feels so good!!!!!!!!!!

Feeling good.

This week of Chemo started rough but as of today I am feeling pretty good :)

I am getting more and more nervous about the internal radiation, but I think it's just because I don't really know what to expect. I am concerned because I had a very hard time with the general anesthesia when I had my surgery. The hope would be that because I am not having any incisions it won't be as bad...

So my last Chemotherapy treatment is this Thursday 7/12. And my last radiation is next Tuesday 7/17. And then I get a 2 or 3 week break before starting internal radiation. I hope I have energy during my break! I am so sick of feeling tired and run down everyday. Plus this Chemo brain is really starting to get to me. I feel like I can't make any real decisions, everything is a little fuzzy. Things like shopping are practically impossible because nothing seems right. Every shoe looks perfect and every ice cream flavor sounds good...it seems small but it is really hard to deal with.

I am going to miss the radiation staff. I like my Chemo staff but the radiation people I see everyday. And I genuinely really like them. They have made me so comfortable and helped with every little bit along the way. The departure will be bitter sweet.

All in all I am excited to be done with 2 major hurdles. Just one more to overcome and then I can go home and forget this crap ever happened. I doubt it will be that easy to forget, and maybe I don't really want to forget. This has been such an amazing life lesson. Yea, I don't want to forget but I do want a break from learning!!!!!!

Just got an email as to what to expect with internal radiation. I am just going to post that instead of trying to relay information, so what you are reading is what I know as well. Here goes...

TANDEM AND OVOIDS PATIENT INFORMATION

 

As part of your treatment, you will be undergoing a series of radiation implants called Tandem and Ovoids (T&O). The following information will outline what to expect with these treatments.

A tandem and ovoid implant is used to deliver a higher dose of radiation to the cervix than can be achieved with external radiation alone. Three metal rods are placed through the vagina, one into the uterus (the tandem), and the other two (the ovoids) just outside the cervix. To keep you more comfortable, this procedure is done in surgery while you are asleep. Because the implant is placed through the vagina, no surgical incision is necessary. The procedure only takes approximately ½ to 1 hour.

When you wake up from the anesthesia, you will be aware of the implant, a catheter to drain your urine and an IV. You may experience some cramping or menstrual-type pain. When you are stable, you will be transferred via stretcher to the Cancer Institute.

When you arrive at the Cancer Institute, an x-ray (simulation) of the implant will be taken. This x-ray is used to develop an individualized treatment plan. Planning must be done prior to your radiation treatment and takes approximately 1 hour. While waiting for the plan to be completed, you will be monitored by a nurse. If you like, your family may wait with you, you may read quietly or rest. After the first treatment, the same treatment plan may be used. In this case, the waiting is not necessary and you will receive your treatment immediately after your x-ray. However, a new plan may be needed depending on the results of your x-ray. Your physician or nurse will let you know whether a new plan is necessary and when treatment will begin.

When the plan is completed, the implant will be connected to the radiation treatment machine with connecting cables. The doctor and nurse will leave the treatment room. You will continue to be monitored via intercom and a TV monitor. During treatment, you will hear clicking and whirring sounds. Treatment takes approximately 10-20 minutes. Please lie quietly during the treatment.

When the radiation treatment is complete, the cable will be disconnected from the implant. The catheter, packing (gauze which holds the implant in place) and the implant will be removed. This process will be a little uncomfortable or feel funny. When everything is out, the discomfort quickly goes away. The IV is also removed. You will then be assisted to a sitting position and then out of bed. When you’re ready, you may get dressed and your escort will drive you home.

Plan to spend half the day at the hospital for this procedure. You are not radioactive so you may have family or friends visit if you like. However, you may be tired the day of the procedure so plan to rest the remainder of the day. Do not go to work the day you have the treatment. You will feel better the following morning after a good night’s sleep. Please do not drive for 24 hours after the procedure.

Also I plan to write in depth about Chemo this week, just been pretty sick and not totally up to writing. I will get there! I promise!!